Creative Writing Assessment

Chirpy voices of excited children fills the thick air, masking the sound of constant rolling waves. The distant scent of incense barely reaches the sand covered shores, however the aroma of herbal cigarettes is impossible to not acknowledge. Surrounding the busy beach, the persistent voices of locals trying to sell their respective goods.

Above the beach, a strange contrast of sacred temples, bustling restaurants and cafes fills the streets. Inside these restaurants sit customers fully involved in their food, drooling uncontrollably over their exotic meals; the customers without food slouch deep into their cushioned chairs, dreaming of deep bowls full of fresh fruit.

Next to these restaurants, a dark temple covered by alluring patterns draws in curious tourists, intrigued to see what this magnificent sanctuary holds. Inside the temple, a path separates two pools surrounded by Hindu statues of elephants and monkeys. Splashing water onto their faces, both locals and tourists peacefully respect the sacred nature of the tranquil waters. Among the wading people, elegant fountains wear hats of crafted baskets full of frangipanis and incense sticks.

Excessive panting of ravenous strays mask the streets with a deep feeling of empathy. Limping towards the busy seaside, the dogs’ nose stay down searching for any scent of food. Down on the beach, the welcoming sea makes itself irresistible for a passing runner or walker, eager for an entrée of the glistening turquoise water.

Glancing beyond the swimmers, brave surfers carve their boards around the jagged rocks hoping not to be thrown off their perfect wave. Covering the beach, is a plethora of vibrant umbrellas acting as a retreat from the punishing sun. Under these umbrellas lie complacent, slightly overweight Australians yelling at each other about some unimportant issue. Above them a dazzling blue sky stretches to the horizon, filled by scattered thin clouds. Clusters of birds dash across the sky, weaving in all directions like a sewing needle through thick wool.

Soaring along the navy blue sky, a single bats presence signals that the day is no more. Below the bat, the water reflected distant light from the rising moon, its arrival did not go unnoticed. Families quickly pack their bags and zoom off in different directions away from the wild scene of a night at Canggu beach.

Constant noise of excitement strangles the beach aggressively. Rumbling taxis roll into the beach side streets unloading piles of stumbling people, exploiting their new found adulthood. Furiously, many groups of people push and shove their way to various pubs, bars and clubs. Neon lights leak out of the venue along with the potent aroma of herbal cigarettes. Violent bass lines become parallel to the heartbeat of wacky partiers; the pleasant noise of families enjoying a beach day is now just a distant memory.

Down at the water front, the harsh notes of the club music seem less brutal and more melodic, accentuating the gentle swell of the sea. Along with the long gone beach loving families, the merciless waves also have dispersed elsewhere. Rustling the monumental palm trees, a warm wind tosses around forgotten umbrellas and abandoned jandals. Effected by the wind, what looks like the silhouette of a gull struggles to stay out of the unforgiving wrath of the tides.

Above the gull, a lone bat still soars in the sky, not bothered by the harsh wind. Asserting it’s judging role in the environment of the beach, the sky critter stares down upon the land below inspecting the rowdy clubs, befuddled partiers and piles of lost goods. Below the bat, frantic taxis speed away, retreating their passengers from the increasingly rambunctious Bali bashes.

Although different from night to day, Canggu Beach is always enjoyed by its cheerful visitors.

3 Comments

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Hey Harry,

There isn’t anything in this post for me to comment on at the moment.

Please do let me know if you need help getting started or if you have questions about the task.

I am here to help!

Mrs P

Hi Harry,

I’ll chat to Mr Waugh about how to fix the viewing part of your blog.

Until then, have a think about:

– Developing the details past a single sentence. You want aspects of your scene to ‘interact’ with each other. Using connective phrases, prepositions and conjunctions will help you do this.

– Check that each of your sentences makes sense. You have some which are incomplete and moments where you have used punctuation incorrectly.

– Maintain your ‘showing’. There are moments that are fantastic and well thought out and others that don’t fit with the rest of your piece. Find that balance between figurative and literal.

Mrs P

Hi Harry,

Nice work! You have been productive!

– You have some moments where your language choices do not compliment each other and this is confusing. Make sure you are building a consistent atmosphere in each piece.

– As we discussed in class, look to use a more active voice in this piece. Write in the continuous present tense, like the scene is unfolding around you.

– You have some really nice concepts and moments in this piece so far. Look to make use of personification and metaphor rather than relying on simile. This might mean rearranging some of your sentences.

– Develop the flow of your piece- you want each sentence to lead into the one that follows it. Let the elements of your scene interact with each other.

Make sure you look over all the feedback as you begin editing.

Mrs P

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